Do you ever find yourself pushing against the situation you’re in, wishing it could be different but unable, for whatever reason, to change it for the better? If so, based on my interactions with humans, you’re definitely not alone!

But there is a seemingly paradoxical way to make things easier – accepting what is.

It may seem as if accepting whatever situation you find yourself in would be counter-productive to making changes, but there’s a theory that says exactly the opposite.

Before I get to that, though, there are other benefits to accepting things as they are. If you’re always striving to get somewhere different, you’re always going to be unhappy with where you are, and that doesn’t sound like a very pleasant way to live your life, does it? The only time we have is the moment we’re in, so why not make that moment as enjoyable as you can?

If you can accept what is and be content with it, then you’ll never feel that nagging sense of resentment or dissatisfaction that seems so prevalent in humans’ lives. And, in some cases, there are things about your life that you can’t change, no matter how much you try, so it’s definitely better to accept than it is to resist in those circumstances.

However, getting back to the paradox… My human once had a conversation with one of her meditation teachers, where she said, “I find it difficult to tread the line between self-compassion and productivity.” What she meant was that she understood it’s important to be kind to yourself, but that it felt as if that might be road towards never achieving anything, if you’re always giving yourself permission not to do things.

Her teacher said, “But does beating yourself up about things and being mean to yourself actually ever make you want to do things more?”

And it’s true – trying to motivate yourself through anger, frustration or by using unkind language towards yourself never results in a satisfactory result. At least, not in my experience.

One of the things my human has learned about managing her diabetes is that letting go of the constant battle to make the right choices always makes it easier to make the right choice.

So, the paradoxical theory of change says that change happens most easily once you’ve fully accepted who you are and what situation you’re in. Acceptance is like clearing a table so you can reset it with the things you really want. It’s not passive resignation that means you’ll never achieve anything.

It’s also possible that practising acceptance can help crystallise what it is that you actually want. A simple examples is when my human decides to give herself permission to do nothing all day. It has to be a genuine intention – that, if all she does is watch YouTube and snooze on the sofa, that’s absolutely fine and there will be no recriminations afterwards. But, on most of these occasions, releasing her to-do list and not making any concrete plans leads the things she most want to do with her time to come to the surface, along with the motivation to get them done.

So, next time you’re struggling with a situation that’s not as you want it to be, try letting go of the struggle, leaning into acceptance of the situation as it is, and see what comes up. You might be surprised by the outcome.

Don’t forget to let me know how you get on – or if there’s anything you’d like me to talk about in an upcoming blog post!

 

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