Have you ever had a situation where you’ve tried really hard at something, swung wildly out of control and then over-corrected, so you ended up going too far back the other way?

I know my humans have experienced this when trying to drive a narrowboat. it’s very easy to steer too far in one direction, feel the boat heading the wrong way, and then steer too far in the other direction while trying to get back on track.

Life can be like that sometimes, too.

If you’re trying to achieve something – like doing exercise or eating more healthily or working on a big project. You set ambitious goals and start out working really hard towards them with enthusiasm. Then, things inevitable start getting trickier for whatever reason and you spur yourself on with harsh criticism, like, “I must try harder and do extra every day or I’m a failure!”

Eventually, though, it gets too difficult to maintain that level of effort and you can end up swinging too far in the opposite direction, with even more harsh criticism, like, “I’m obvious no good at this so I might as well just give up completely. There’s no point in trying.”

I know my human, Annie, has gone through this cycle many times, with all sorts of things she’s tried to achieve in her life – and it’s a very easy pattern to fall into.

She has also learned, from experience, that while it may feel like the best way to get results is to push hard and keep going at full throttle, it’s actually much more successful overall if you can treat things like this more gently.

If you start with small goals and build up a habit slowly, you’re much more likely to keep going with it. And, if you’re kind to yourself when inevitable obstacles arise – “It’s okay to take a break.” “I didn’t achieve everything I wanted today, but I can try again tomorrow.” “I can do this long term but I don’t have to force myself to complete every aspect every day.” – you’ll find you make more progress overall and you’ll be a lot happier about the whole thing.

So, with the New Year and the temptation of unrealistic resolutions fast approaching, think about taking a different approach this time around, if the overly ambitious goals you’ve set for yourself before haven’t worked out that well.

Be gentle with yourself, be realistic about what you can achieve over a long period of time, don’t steer too hard one way to start with (making it impossible) and don’t steer too hard the other way (to giving up) if thing start going awry.

All progress is good progress, after all, and a small amount of progress most days is going to get you further in the long run than a huge burst of progress up front and then none at all.

 

Don’t forget to let me know how you get on – I’d love to hear if you’re planning to set a New Year Resolution and how you can approach it gently to avoid the pendulum!

 

You can email me at wisebearstanley@gmail.com

You can buy my book (all about building a better relationship with yourself).

You can sign up for my monthly newsletter.

And don’t forget to follow me on Instagram – @wisebearstanley – for cute photos, advice videos and meditation with Moomintroll!

You can also find me on Twitter and Bluesky – @wisebearstanley

And here’s where you can buy Stanley merch!